If I’ve learned one key to loving relationships over the last forty plus years, it’s definitely this –
You can’t be right and be in the love at the same time.
It’s simply not possible. Why? Let me explain with a little scenario between a parent and teenage child:
Parent: You’re not going out of this house in that skirt, young lady.
Teenager: Why? What’s wrong with it?
Parent: It’s too short and you look like a hussy.
Teenager: What are you talking about? I love this skirt and it’s totally the style right now.
Parent: Forget it. I’m in charge around here, and you’re not going out like that.
Teenager: I hate you. I wish you weren’t my parent. You make me want to run away or kill myself.
Does this sound at all familiar to you? Perhaps you once were the teenager in a similar scenario. Or perhaps you were (or are now) this parent. In both cases, what are they arguing about -really? Aren’t they both stuck in their own opinion and trying to be right? Think about it. It’s a tug of war.
In fact, most arguments are about needing to be right and making the other person wrong, and just like in a tug of war, the strongest one wins. How can there be love in a situation like this?
You could say that the parent is holding his/her ground because he loves the child and wants to protect her from those who would take advantage of her because of the way she is dressed. Yes, it’s fair to imagine he is coming from love. However, does the child FEEL loved in this case? At this time, probably not.
There is another way to get through this type of conversation – a way that doesn’t cut into the love. It has to do with learning to listen deeply (with love in mind) and speaking from the heart.
Join Nura Laird in the upcoming telecourse, Freedom to Love – Family Edition. Click here to learn more.