How to Heal a Broken Heart – the First Steps

Apr 6, 2013 | Sufism

At some point in life, each of us will experience a broken heart. The feeling of brokenness might come from rejection by a loved one. It may come from deep disappointment that things in your life are not working out in a way you would like. It may come from the loss of something you loved deeply,whether that be a person, a possession or a cherished belief. In any of these situations, you are left with a deep ache in the heart that leaves you feeling like life can not go on.

You wake up with an aching in the heart, a feeling of emptiness. Some people escape the emptiness with angry thoughts toward others, “How could they do this to me” or toward themselves “How could I have been that stupid,” or toward God, “How could a loving God allow such a thing to happen?” Others cover over with a numbness, not allowing any feelings to come in at all.

The anger or thoughts of betrayal, if left in the heart, fester and develop into resentment. Numbness becomes a disconnection with life and grows into depression.

So you become trapped between living in the pain of heartbreak, or living in resentment or depression. And the belief begins to grow that there is no way out. The pain becomes more than you can bear. That is when you reach out for help.

In Sufism, it is said that it is in your neediness that God’s help comes in. If you are closed there is no room for the light. There needs to be an openness and desire for help. There needs to be a crack, a crack in your view of reality so that the light can come in. That is the very first step – a sincere willingness, “I can’t do it, You can, God, please help.”

The second step is to look at your situation without judgment: “I am angry, I am scared, I hate those people who hurt me.” This is what is true for you in the moment. Be with it and surround it with love and a willingness to let the light in.

And the third step is to recognize and remember that there is a place inside you, the Sufis call it your “essence,” where your connection to God is unshakable. This is where you hold peace, beauty and love. Your essence is untouched and unsullied by the happenings of the world. When you connect to this place, healing is possible at every level.

Let me give you an example. Patricia came in. She was carrying deep wounds from a recent divorce. Her husband had left her for another woman. She was alternating between feeling bad about herself, (He would not have left if I had been _______fill in the blank) to deep anger toward him. Since alternating between these two states was leaving her feeling miserable, she was willing to bring her circumstance to God. With help, she was willing to face the cycle of negativity without judgment, call on God, and find the place inside that still held peace, love and beauty. As she connected to her own deep essence, she let go of making either herself bad or him a tyrant and found the quiet acceptance to go on.

So in being willing, facing the situation and remembering your essence, you begin to have the perfect ground to begin a healing journey.

Ready to heal? We invite you to join us for

Heal Your Broken Heart

April 23rd, 25th, 30th and May 2nd at 8 pm Eastern / 5 pm Pacific

Taught by: Rahima Schmall

In this class you will:

· Identify patterns that keep the heart hurting

· Practice some simple meditations for opening the heart

· Learn the steps to clearing the pains in your heart

· Learn real protection for wounds from the world

· Learn how to open the heart after being hurt

Click here to sign up for only $97 with the option for a 2-part payment plan

Rahima SchmallSusan Rahima Schmall, Ph.D., R.N.
is a faculty member and department head of our Spiritual Counseling and Healing program. She is a registered nurse, psychologist and master healer who has successfully brought spirituality into her clinical practice and teaching for over twenty years. She is also the director of the Healing Intensive Retreat at the Shadhiliyya Spiritual Retreat Center, as well as a spiritual healer in private practice. Prior to moving to California, she was the department chair for a graduate counseling program at Southwestern College in Santa Fe, New Mexico. She has a deep love of God and is gifted at creating a safe and nurturing space in which people with physical illness or emotional pain can work through their issues to find peace, wholeness, and harmony.