Like me, you may be familiar with the old adage: “You only hurt the ones you love.” I have been presented with this many times, in many different ways. Unknown to me, I had been living by this model for most of my life. My love for other people came largely in the way of judgement and fear.
I could not understand why relationships were so difficult, or why I felt so often isolated and lonely within them. I thought all I needed was to have love for someone, and the rest would sort itself out. I had intellectual knowledge, but no knowledge of the heart about my own wounds, or the ego that so fiercely protected them. Now, as I am in my moments of new clarity, I began to really see how it was warping the beauty of the other person, and of myself.
“The difficulty is that we’re not yet paying enough attention to see in everyone that we meet…[the] gifts in everyone that Allah puts in front of us. This is the key to finding the beauty in others: we start to find, and live, the beauty in [ourselves].” -John Abd-al Qadir Davies, USHS Senior Faculty Member
I turned away from their gifts, and consistently chose judgement. I am at the beginning of understanding the nature of these decisions, and through self-protection and self-justification how I could lay a trap and never realize it. I built cages around the things I loved, because I did not understand or have a relationship with my own heart. Even after feeling a notion as to why, it took me years to be able to begin to take the the steps to heal.
Thankfully, I feel I am now, with great fear and trembling, taking steps to find understanding and healing. I am deeply, deeply grateful to be with the beautiful community and resources of USHS as I begin, however imperfectly, this process.
“Not looking away from reality, but looking at the deeper reality in everyone…so that we can know them in a much more complete way.” -JAQ Davies
I look forward to learning the ways in which I can look at the deeper reality in everyone. This life truly is about us loving each other, and I am grateful to be able to see that now.
If you are feeling in a similar place of recovering from fear, blame, and judgement please know that we are here. You can reach out to firstname.lastname@example.org any time for support. We offer one-on-one sessions, and other home study lectures and courses.